Chapter 4: The Message My Mother Tried to Hide
I read the message again.
Then a third time.
The words were simple, but they made the room feel smaller with every second.
Delete this conversation. Nico doesn't need to know what happened before Andre came home.
My mother's number sat directly above the message.
I looked up so quickly that the paper crumpled between my fingers.
"Ma?""
Denise stood beside the couch, her arms hanging stiffly at her sides. She wasn't looking at Andre anymore. She was looking at the paper.
"Nico, give me that.""
I pulled it against my chest.
"No.""
"Baby, you don't understand what you're reading.""
"Then explain it.""
She took one step toward me.
"Please.""
That word scared me more than her anger ever could.
My mother rarely begged. She was the woman who could stretch twenty dollars into groceries for three days, who could tell a landlord she needed another week without letting her voice shake, who worked double shifts and came home too tired to remove her shoes before falling asleep on the couch.
I'd seen her cry when my grandmother died.
I'd never seen her look at me like this.
"Andre," I said, keeping my eyes on Mom, "what happened before you came home in June?""
My brother rubbed the back of his neck.
"That message needs context.""
"Everybody keeps saying that. Nobody gives me the context.""
He glanced at Mom.
She shook her head almost imperceptibly.
I caught it.
And something inside me snapped.
"Stop doing that!""
Both of them stared at me.
"Stop looking at each other like you're deciding which lie to tell me.""
Mom pressed her lips together.
Andre sat back down.
"All right," he said.
"I'll tell you what I know.""
"No. Tell me what you did.""
He swallowed.
"Before I came home in June, Aaliyah and I had been talking.""
The paper trembled in my hand.
"Talking how?""
"Texting. Nothing happened in person until that night.""
"Why were you texting my girlfriend?""
He looked down.
"She reached out to me.""
I laughed bitterly.
"Of course she did.""
"She said you two were having problems. She said she felt like you weren't listening to her.""
I stared at him.
"So you decided to listen to her for me?""
"No.""
"You decided to become her boyfriend?""
"No, Nico.""
"Then what were you doing?""
He stood again, frustrated now.
"I liked talking to her. That's the truth. She was easy to talk to, and I liked feeling like somebody needed me. I knew it was wrong, but I kept telling myself we weren't doing anything.""
Mom turned toward him.
"You told me you were just helping her.""
Andre's face changed.
"Ma—"
"You said she was upset about school and needed somebody older to talk to.""
"She was upset.""
Mom shook her head.
"You didn't tell me you were texting her late at night.""
Andre looked away.
I felt sick.
My brother had been inside my relationship long before that night in June. While I'd been planning dates and thinking about summer, he'd been building a private connection with the girl I loved.
And my mother had known enough to tell him to hide it.
I turned toward her.
"What happened before he came home?""
Mom sank onto the couch.
"Nothing happened between me and Aaliyah.""
"That wasn't my question.""
She stared at the carpet.
Finally, she spoke.
"About two weeks before Andre came home, Aaliyah called me.""
I couldn't believe what I was hearing.
"She called you?""
"Yes.""
"Why?""
"She said she was worried about you. She said you were arguing more, and she didn't know whether you wanted a serious relationship.""
I shook my head.
"We had one argument about me working extra hours.""
"I know.""
"No, you don't. You know what she told you.""
Mom's shoulders dropped.
"You're right.""
It was the first honest thing she'd said all afternoon, and it didn't make me feel any better.
"Why did you tell her to delete the conversation?""
Mom closed her eyes.
"Because I realized the messages between her and Andre were becoming inappropriate.""
"Then why didn't you tell me?""
"Because I thought I could stop it before anybody got hurt.""
I stared at her.
"You thought you could secretly fix my relationship?""
"I thought I could protect both my sons.""
"From what?""
She opened her eyes.
"From making a mistake that couldn't be taken back.""
I looked at Andre.
He didn't argue.
That silence told me enough.
My mother had seen the danger. She'd recognized that my brother and my girlfriend were crossing boundaries. But instead of telling me, she had tried to manage the situation privately.
She'd protected the secret.
Not me.
I dropped the paper onto the coffee table.
"Did you tell Aaliyah to stay away from him?""
Mom nodded.
"And did you tell Andre to stop texting her?""
"Yes.""
"Did either of them listen?""
Neither answered.
I laughed without humor.
"Great.""
I walked toward the front window and stared outside. A delivery truck rolled past our house. Somewhere down the block, somebody was mowing their lawn.
I wanted to walk out the door and keep going until I found a place where nobody knew my name.
Instead, I turned back.
"Ma, did you know they slept together?""
"No.""
Her answer came immediately.
I searched her face.
"You're sure?""
"I swear to you, Nico. I knew they were getting too close. I knew Andre was making bad decisions. But I did not know they had slept together until today.""
I believed she was telling the truth about that part.
I hated that I had to think about it that way.
"And the pregnancy?"" I asked.
"I didn't know.""
Andre shifted beside the couch.
"Neither did I until Aaliyah told me.""
I pointed at him.
"Don't make yourself sound innocent just because you didn't know about the pregnancy.""
"I'm not.""
"You knew enough to hide the relationship.""
He lowered his eyes.
I took a slow breath.
"Tell me something. When you found out she might be pregnant, did you think about calling me?""
"Every day.""
"Then why didn't you?""
He stared at the floor.
"Because I didn't know whether the baby was mine, and I was scared you'd never speak to me again.""
I looked at him for a long time.
"You're right about one thing.""
He lifted his head.
"I might never speak to you again.""
Mom made a quiet, wounded sound.
I didn't apologize.
Andre picked up his keys.
"I should go.""
"Good.""
He stopped at the doorway.
"Nico, I know you're not ready to hear this, but I do love you.""
I shook my head.
"Then you should have acted like my brother.""
His face crumpled for half a second before he turned away.
The door closed behind him.
Mom remained on the couch, staring at her hands.
I wanted her to explain everything. I wanted her to promise she'd never kept another secret from me. I wanted to be twelve again, sitting at the kitchen table while she helped me with homework, certain that if something went wrong, she would know how to make it right.
But I was seventeen now.
And I was beginning to understand that parents could make terrible decisions, too.
"Can I ask you something?"" I said.
Mom looked up.
"Anything.""
"If Aaliyah hadn't gotten pregnant, would you ever have told me about those messages?""
She opened her mouth.
Nothing came out.
I nodded slowly.
"That's what I thought.""
"Nico, I would have told you when I thought you were ready.""
"Ready for what? To know my own girlfriend was texting my brother behind my back?""
"I was trying to give you time.""
"You were giving them time.""
She stood and approached me.
"Baby, please don't think I chose Andre over you.""
I looked at her.
"I don't know what you chose.""
Her eyes filled.
I stepped away before she could hug me.
"I'm going to Malik's.""
"You can't leave like this.""
"Watch me.""
I grabbed my keys from the side table.
As I opened the door, Mom called after me.
"Nico, please answer your phone if I call.""
I didn't turn around.
Outside, the afternoon heat settled over my shoulders. I got into my car and sat there with both hands gripping the steering wheel.
Then my phone vibrated.
A message from an unknown number appeared.
Hey, Nico. It's Aaliyah's cousin Brianna. There's something about that night in June that Aaliyah hasn't told you.
A second message followed.
And it has nothing to do with Andre.
May you like
I stared at the screen.
For the first time all afternoon, I wondered whether my brother's betrayal was only one piece of a much bigger story.
